Tony Bender: Latest News

Home » Latest News »

Draining the swamp

Posted 4/18/18 (Wed)

I had a pretty good week. For one thing, my lawyer, Sly M. Ball & Associates, didn't get raided, and his paper shredder is working just fine. It's powered by a V-8 Cummins engine, which gets terrible mileage, but thanks to the EPA rollback of fuel efficiency standards, he won't be forced to deal with a solar powered model.

The problem there is two fold. First of all, most of the shredding takes place at night, and then there's the issue of sun pollution. All those solar panels attract way too much sun, and are a major cause of global warming. If there is such a thing. And we know there isn't because we've had a long winter in North Dakota. Case closed. You can ask around. Call any government official in Florida. They'll tell you the rise of sea levels is about as real as the moon landing.

But I digress. This column is headed in more directions than a presidential tweet.