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Pretentious writers

Posted 5/02/18 (Wed)

As I was avoiding writing this column, I stumbled upon an article that declared writers procrastinate more than any other species. It's true. I check my messages 20 times in an hour. Drink seven cups of coffee. Scroll through Facebook for cat pictures. Trim my toenails. Man, they taste awful.

Lord help me, to avoid writing, I even did some housecleaning yesterday, thereby inventing a sub-genre of slacker—The Productive Procrastinator. I guarantee that will be the title of the next Malcolm Gladwell book.

After hearing raves from my friends, I actually read a Malcolm Gladwell book once, but thought he was completely full of crap. I'm pretty sure no one actually thinks his condescending drivel is enlightening—they just don't want to admit it. His books are useful only to place strategically on the coffee table to impress your friends.